My existence.

One November morning, 25 years ago, my dearest Gurudev stretched his hand out and with gentleness, patience, love, and compassion, led me home and since then he has let me explore the world inside out without letting go off my hand…. Gurudev once said, “to speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Brahman”.

 

The sheer habit of vocalizing emotions kept me thanking in words ever so often. But it was only when I began to sense that shift within, a transition almost, so to speak, from feeling overjoyed at a happening to a constant, overwhelming, all-consuming emotion that didn’t need a reason, I began to understand what Gurudev meant. It was only when I began to traverse through that passage where I was so happy and grateful for all those moments of joy and happiness, and then to and behold, began to see there were no moments in life and so celebration didn’t have to be slotted to time, I began to understand what Gurudev meant. Here I am, just being grateful, just being full, just being… It is an indescribable state. It’s overwhelming. Incandescent. Weightless. Happy emotional. Tearful. Full. The true gratitude that stems out of humility is radiant, a beauty to behold. A recent pilgrimage to Vaisho Devi provided an experience of how this manifests. I had always told myself that I wouldn’t want to go on a Palki (a palanquin of sorts where 4 men would carry the passenger on a seat). I somehow didn’t feel happy about being carried. But then, how long would I be permitted to resist before the precious Sutra came knocking! I had no choice but to get on to a Palki sometime around midnight to visit a temple that was high up in the hills. I was deep inside in an almost meditative state during the Palki journey up, tearful, and quite spaced out. And then I overheard a discussion among the 4 young Palki bearers, in a wondrous tone, about how they, surprisingly, weren’t feeling the weight of the passenger, that as if they were carrying an empty Palki! I was vaguely registering this conversation and thinking, Gurudev actually took away the feeling of guilt, within me, of being carried, and importantly we really are not the ones who decide or deliver. The Palki bearers were probably not the ones who were actually carrying! I was consumed with so much wonder, so much gratitude to my Gurudev, I began to giggle. It was an incredible experience, an experience that seems to be setting the trajectory of my life. And then there is a subtle realization of how far-reaching the impact of gratitude is. It spreads like wild fire. It touches the lives and hearts of everyone you come across. While talking, teaching, cooking, nurturing, working, whatever we do from a space of gratitude to the Guru, to the Divine, it wraps itself around everyone in its path giving them a perception of their inner being, a taste of freedom, an experience of absolute happiness. Its gratitude to my Gurudev that guides me in whatever I undertake. Its gratitude that makes me see the larger picture that Gurudev has in mind that keeps me so enthusiastic and optimistic. Above all, it has helped me enjoy whatever I do. What a gift that is! Gratitude to Gurudev is the biggest fortune that I could have ever hoped to acquire. Gratitude to my beloved Master is what designs the pathways of my life. My Gurudev is my existence. 

- Dr Prema Seshadri, Bangalore