I felt empowered, relieved and empty. I felt like someone came with a broom and swept away all the dirt in my mind and heart, I swear!!! Even though those four days were tough, it was the richest experience that I ever had.
Hi guys, Jai Gurudev! Just wanted to share my advance course experience with y’all.
I just happened to be around Bangalore at the same time and my happiness teachers ie Milind and Nidhi insisted if I’d come along for the advance course for the Bengal festival. I didn’t bother asking much and simply signed up. I reached the ashram, met my mentors and got introduced to so many new people who were extremely welcoming. Later that day, I learnt that I’d have to be completely silent and away from communicating with anyone. I had never done that in my entire life, I was instantly nervous and wished I knew about this earlier otherwise I’d have never signed up for this. After that a few other people told me that it’s the 16-17th time they’re doing this course, I felt relaxed, eased my mind and thought it wouldn’t be that bad but little did I know, to each their own experience!
As the silence course commenced, everyone dispersed in their own directions. That evening was pretty chill and passed in no time but the next days were tough, very tough. I found myself sobbing the entire next day but continued to perform my duties (meditation, seva, etc.). I didn’t feel sad or disheartened so I really had no idea why I was venting out so much. The next day was same, I was tearing up every second minute and thought it’s better I quit. I really thought I couldn’t do it until something in me just walked to a store in the ashram and bought a ₹.5 picture of gurudev. I put the picture in my ID card cover, nothing changed but I felt courageous. I felt like I could complete the course even in the worst of situations. I didn’t feel like using my phone even once while in the course and let it be in airplane mode for those days. Amidst all this, I got almost no sleep for 4 consecutive days. Although I went to bed at 10ish, I wake awake with my own thoughts and borderline anxiety until my alarm rang at 4:55 to freshen up and leave for morning sadhana. But I made up my mind to do my meditation and seva with utmost sincerity. In those 4 days, I felt like I witnessed the happiest people have ever been around me, with only purity, and generosity even when I wasn’t speaking or communicating in sign language. I felt moved!
After we broke our silence, I sat in awe on how I overcame the last few days. I felt empowered, relieved and empty. I felt like someone came with a broom and swept away all the dirt in my mind and heart, I swear!!! Even though those four days were tough, it was the richest experience that I ever had. I understood that maybe it was my first time so I felt the way I was feeling or maybe I got a little to anxious in the start. It’s more than a feeling to know and sit with your own thoughts and make peace with them. I think I held too many predispositions before this course but now I feel free. I held onto too many things and people but now it feels like nothing owns me. If the mind isn’t free, the freedom isn’t really worth it. I think this is the coolest experience I’ve ever had and everyone should try it at least once.
- Anchal