Day 4 

Part 1 - The Teenage Years 

You know, the "teens" are the most confusing age. You are no longer a kid, who can be pacified with toys or sweets, but neither are you emotionally mature enough. A new world has just opened up in front of you and it's such a difficult time. 

On one hand, there are big highs, on the other hand, there are a lot of lows. There's also loneliness. A child doesn't feel lonely, but a teenager starts feeling lonely. Not only that , there are also so many hormonal changes happening in the body. 

So he (or she) is getting familiar with his (or her) own body, mind, emotions, urges and difficulties. Suddenly, teenagers feel nobody understands them because what parents say from their standpoint - good or bad - doesn't appeal to them. 

Long-term plans don't exist. They want immediate solutions, immediate gratification, everything should happen now. Teenagers feel that adults do not understand, but they don't feel connected with small kids either because they feel it's meaningless. 

It’s useless - all the toys, all the simple games, which they have outgrown. During these tough times of the teenage years, the kids need to have hope. They need to have an understanding about life. They need to know what they want to do and how to deal with what they want, right. 

There is an old saying in Sanskrit : "When your son or daughter turns 16, behave with them like a friend. Don't be their teachers. Don't tell them what they should, or shouldn't be doing, but share with them their difficulties. Be a friend to them."

You know, a friend is one, who is on your level. A friend understands you, moves with you, with your emotions, with your difficulties. He stands in the same shoes. So if you behave as a friend to them and not as a parent, they open up to you. 

Usually teenagers open up much more to their friends, their pals, than to their parents. It's a common phenomenon. So also teachers. A teacher should also be a friend, behave as a friend, talk as a friend. Then the gap gets bridged. 

Once the gap is bridged, love flows Communication happens. Once communication happens, the problem is solved. Most of the problem is a lack of communication. Now emotions - what does one do with one's emotions? It's a big problem. 

Although we may have grown older - beyond the 'teen' age - sometimes, we have still not grown beyond the 'teen' age, mentally. You know, there is a particular cycle, in which our body grows. 

In the first seven years, the physical body grows - it grows from age 14 to 21 years, even. So the body has a 7 year growth cycle, the 14 year growth and the 21 year growth. In the first 7th years, the intellect does not grow - just the body. 

Then up to you 14 years, the intellect grows. You cannot improve someone's IQ power after they have turned fifteen. This is the general thinking or understanding, that children under fourteen can learn many things very quickly.

So, you become physically mature, then intellectually mature, and then emotionally mature. The period from 14 to 21 years is for emotional maturity. Many do not grow to that maturity at all. 

Lack of emotional maturity means you are always worrying about your emotions, feeling as though you are a victim of your own emotions, "Oh, I feel like this! What to do?” What do you do? Who cares about your feelings? 

Why do you worry so much about your feelings? You know, we feel as though we are victimized by our own emotions. “Oh, I feel so bad”. You feel so bad, so what? You feel bad and a little later, it turns, and you feel good! Your feelings keep changing. 

Sometimes you feel bad, but it doesn't stay for your whole life! It turns and then you feel good, and then that doesn't stay for the whole time. You feel good and then you feel bad again. 

Nobody can stay, feeling bad all the time or feeling good all the time. These good and bad feelings come like waves. You can't stop a wave that has already come, nor can you make a wave come just like that. Isn't it? Just as waves and clouds come and go, the emotions come and go. 

Different waves of emotion come and then they disappear! Making them into a big issue and complaining in our minds, "Oh, I feel good. I feel bad. I feel this way I feel that way and nobody cares for me. Nobody does this and nobody does that.

All this emotional garbage that we put into our heads is useless. It is a sign of a lack of emotional maturity. You see what I'm saying? Emotional maturity, intellectual maturity and physical maturity, you need all three of these "maturities". 

Then you are a complete personality. Are you sharp and focused? Are you interested in learning? This shows how you have matured intellectually. Then, do not let emotional immaturity cloud your intellect. This is what happens. 

Emotions that are not mature cloud the intellect. If your emotions are not mature enough, you're caught up in them all the time. Isn't it? What do you say? So, by the age of 21 years, you are supposed to be so strong emotionally, physically and intellectually sharp. 

Then you get the power to vote. You're supposed to be an adult, you're supposed to be mature, but this seldom happens. What is the big deal about your feelings? I tell you bundle them up and throw them in the ocean. Then you can be happy. Then you are in good spirits. 

Just examine why your spirit goes down. Somebody said something stupid to you - and your spirit goes down. Now, why did they say that stupid thing?