That love is not stable
Bangalore Ashram, India,
12th February 1999
Chapter 1 - The You That You Want To Change
Day 52 - Love (Continued)
If love is based on the qualities of a person, that love is not stable. After some time the qualities change and the love becomes shaky. Loving someone because of their greatness or uniqueness is third rate love. Loving someone because they belong to you, great or otherwise, is unconditional love.
Knowledge, sadhana, seva and satsang, spiritual practice, service and coming together in celebration help to bring about a sense of belonging. When love springs from a sense of belongingness, then the actions and qualities do not overshadow the love. Neither qualities nor actions can be perfect all the time. Only love and a feeling of kinship can be perfect.
Here are the signs of love. When you love someone you see nothing wrong with them. Even if you see a fault in them you justify it in some way “Everyone does that, it is normal”. You think you have not done enough for them and the more you do, the more you want to do for them. They are always in your mind. Ordinary things become extraordinary.
A baby winking at its grandmother becomes an extraordinary event. You want them to be yours exclusively. You get hurt even over small things. When you love someone, you want to see them always happy and you want them to have the best. You wish someone what they don’t have, right?
When you say, “Best wishes”, you imply that they are not best. Now, I tell you, now is the best. If you realise this, tomorrow can only be here are some who long for change. Feeling that every thing is stagnant in their lives, they want to change partners, careers, dwellings. There are some who are afraid of change. They feel security in the way they are.
There are some who see change, but do not acknowledge it out of fear. There are some who do not notice change at all. There are
others who do not think there is anything to change. There are some who realise that everything is changing, yet see there is something that is non changing. Those who recognise the non changing amidst the change are the wisest of all.