Dear Gurudev, can you please speak about the connection between sexuality and spirituality.
Sex is the origin from where everything is born. In the Orient, it is honored as divine. Sexuality is in the second chakra, and then you move upward to the other chakras. So it is just part of the process.
Spirituality does not disown anything or disassociate with anything. Spirituality encompasses all aspects of life. In fact, spirituality uplifts one from sex to higher consciousness.
Sex is being attracted to a part of the body and getting some stimulation from it. The goal of sex is to find joy, and not sex itself. It is to get into the moment, forget about everything and find joy, and spirituality provides that joy, which is not gotten through some act, but beyond the senses.
In the Bhagavad Gita, there is a saying, “Buddhi grahyam atindriyam”, it is the joy that can be grasped by the intellect, but is acquired from beyond the senses, and that is the bliss of the self. For example, when you meet a dear one after a long time, or even when you think of them, something happens inside you. You feel a deep sense of love. It is not associated with touch or smell, or any of the physical attributes; the senses are not involved. The thought or a feeling rekindles something very deep inside and you feel very happy and joyful. Nothing else and no other sensory pleasure can give you this joy. It is said that one moment of Samadhi (a state of deep meditation) is a 1000 times more joyful than the joy you might get from sex. It is so much more!
Gurudev, how can one get out of the past sex impressions?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Your trying to get out of it makes it more difficult (deepens the tendency or the impression). What you need to do is practice more pranayama and relax. Then you will see that gradually on your own, you will overcome it and these thoughts will not disturb you anymore. They will not come at all.
How can I stop sexual desires?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Through higher fulfillment. It’s like, kids crave for cotton candy and chocolate, but when they grow up they automatically they have no such cravings. It just drops off. Similarly, pranayamas and a higher goal in life will help.
When you have a lot of work to do, sex is not a botheration at the time.
Just ask any student, during exam time are they bombarded with thoughts of sex? They’ll say no. For that whole month when they have to achieve something, their mind is fully focused on it. Not once the thought comes during exam time. They have a bundle of books to read and to prepare. So engaging yourself in some creative activity is helpful.
Pleasure always makes you run towards it first and then later on makes you run away from it. This is its nature. First you crave for it and you go towards it and then later on, you go away from it because it becomes too much to handle. Yoga is that which makes you centered, it stabilizes you. When you are stable and centered, if pleasure is there, you enjoy it, if it’s not there, you don’t mind it, it’s not occupying your mind. It’s not a craving that bothers you.
Gurudev, why does someone sometimes have attractions towards people of the same sex? Why is being homosexual or bisexual such a taboo?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
I think it is no longer a taboo in many parts of the world now. In the past it was, and people were executed because of their sexual preferences. People simply don’t understand that each one of us is made of both mother and father. You have qualities of both in you. Of the feminine and masculine energies that you are made up of, sometimes one dominates and sometimes, the other dominates and that’s how these types of changes happen in people. Someone thinks they are straight and after fifty years or so, they suddenly discover that they have attraction towards the same sex. Then they get so perturbed and their mind goes haywire. They are simply not able to comprehend.
The other way is also true. They are gay from the very beginning but you never know, sometimes preferences change. So it is better not to label oneself for lifetime and feel bad about it. Even if you label yourself, do it happily. But don’t label someone else and accuse them because it is just a play or display of energies inside of you. And I want you to rise above identification of the body because you are genderless. Your body has a gender but your consciousness has got no gender.
Love is the nature of consciousness. That is why sometimes, irrespective of the body’s gender, consciousness gets attracted or your mental attraction goes in that direction. So it is wrong to blame oneself and blame others.
What you need to do is realize that you are scintillating light. You are not just a piece of flesh, bones and blood. You are light. When you get this understanding, then you will be free from whatever emotional turbulences you have. Serenity dawns in you and you get a better understanding of yourself.
There are so many people who discover their sexuality and get so upset or assertive that they start hating the entire society. We should get over these extreme reactive tendencies in the mind and realize that we are not just the body but scintillating, sparkling joy and consciousness.
People are understanding now that homosexuality is not a disease as it was thought some time back. Today people see that it is just a tendency. It is just the energy that plays that role. Sometimes, the male energy is dominant though you are a female and sometimes, the female energy is dominant though you are a male. All this is possible.
Gurudev, I want to be honest with my parents about my sexuality. Yet my fear of losing their love and support has been stopping me from being honest with them. Do I need to be compassionate and not burden my parents? Please guide me to a solution.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You don’t have to label yourself as gay or a lesbian. You don’t need to put on a label. These are tendencies which come and go.
You should label yourself as Divine light. This label is much better than putting a label about your sexuality because it may change.
Many people get married and after that they discover that they have different tendencies. And for many gay people, sometime later, even their preferences change. I have seen many gay people and lesbians getting married, settling in life and having kids. I have seen the other way also. So all possibilities are open. What is the need for you to right away label yourself? There are some who are bisexual.
What are you going to achieve by telling your parents? Is it going to make them any happier? When they are not going to be happy, what is the point in telling them about it? You think about it.
Honesty is one thing. First you should be honest to yourself. What is your state right now? Be honest with yourself. You don’t have to pretend and be what you are not, at the same time you don’t have to put a bomb where people cannot accept it. Tell them gradually. Prepare them.
You have to study the situation. How fragile are your parents? How unhappy are they already and how much more unhappy they will become by your saying that? Is it worth being that honest to them and making them miserable? You need to judge all these pros and cons.
Suppose your parents are forcing you to get married then you tell them, 'No, I have no interest in this, I have a different interest'. Otherwise why do you have tell them?
Be honest at such times, otherwise you will make another person's life (who you marry) miserable. If your mother is already very aged and is burdened with a lot of other things and you be honest just for your pride and tell her something, and she loses her night’s sleep and it affects her health, what is the point. What does it serve?
In the ancient system it has been beautifully said, 'Satyam bruyat priyam bruyat na bruyat satyam apriyam', speak the truth but speak the pleasant truth. Don’t speak unpleasant truth and don’t speak pleasant lies.
Something may be pleasant, but if it is a lie, don’t speak that. Don’t speak unpleasant truth or pleasant lies. This is the ancient path. The perfect balance.
So use your sense of discrimination and gently prepare them if you want to tell them, and if it’s going to serve some purpose.
Rise above the body consciousness. Know that you are light. You’re scintillating consciousness. Every cell of your body is awakened with consciousness, light, love and life. Focus on that.
A member of the audience asked a question which was inaudible)
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Why do you think sex is negative? Through sex only everybody has come.
'Sex is the original sin', this is what people have been made to believe in the past. Sex is not a sin. Sex is a basis. Any plant, human, animal, anything comes out of it. That is okay.
But there is a difference between bliss and sex. Sex is energy draining and bliss is energy conserving. One is energy consuming the other is energy conserving. That is the thing.
Sex, drugs, alcohol, how does one escape them? They are all over the place.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Just this thought that we want to escape and pull people out of it, will do it.
Today, can you all take a vow that you will not even turn and look in that direction? If someone is even tempted, send them to me, or to any of our YES!+ teachers. They will give them better intoxication, an intoxication that will not come down at all. They can get a better high! What do you call it? A better kick? We can get you a better kick!
How do we curb our desires to watch porn, which is so freely available these days?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Pranayama! When you do yoga, pranayama, meditation, these tendencies change, your nature changes. You know that you are not just a body, you are spirit; scintillating spirit. With the help of these practices, you find yourself elevated to another level.
