Love always change?
Delhi, India,
5th November, 1998
Chapter 1 - The You That You Want To Change
Day 53 - Love (Continued)
Question - Gurudev, must love always change?
Gurudev Sri Sri - Love is your very nature. What is your nature cannot change. But the expression of love changes. Because love is your nature, you cannot but love. A mother has total love for her child. Sometimes she feeds the child, sometimes she is strict with the child. "Come on, sit and write".
She does this out of love, and these are all different modes of love. So the expression of love changes. But love itself does not change, because love is your nature. When someone expresses love to you, what do you do?
- You do not know how to respond.
- You feel obliged and bound.
- You shrink or shy away.
- You feel foolish and awkward.
- You try to reciprocate even though it is not genuine.
- You doubt the love expressed and you doubt your own worthiness.
- You are afraid of losing respect because love does not allow distance and respect tends to keep a distance.
- Your ego hardens and does not allow you to receive and reciprocate.
The ability to receive genuine love comes with the ability to give love. The more you are centered and know by experience that you love, the more you feel at home with any amount of love being expressed in any manner, for deep inside, you know love is not an emotion. It is your very existence. Joy is love for what is. Sorrow is love for what is not. You feel love for someone and they do not accept it. What do you do?
- Get frustrated.
- Turn the love into hatred and wish for revenge.
- Again and again remind them how much you love them and how little they love you.
- Become fussy and cranky.
- Throw tantrums.
- Feel humiliated and try to protect your respect.
- Resolve never to love again.
- Feel hurt and mistreated.
- Try to be aloof and indifferent.
But you have seen that none of these work, they only make the
situation worse. What is the way out of this ? How do you maintain your lovingness?
- Have patience and change your expression of love.
- Be centered and limit your expression of love. Sometimes expressing too much love puts people off.
- Take it for granted that they love you too and just accept their style of expression. Like a mother with three kids -
- No one child talks, one child does not talk, one child throws tantrums - her love for each child is constant regardless of their behaviour.
- Genuinely acknowledge whatever love they have for you. This will turn your demand into gratefulness and the more grateful you are in life, the more love comes your way.
- Know that hurt is part of love and take responsibility for it. Realise that when you move away from your center, you will get hurt and the nature of worldliness is misery.
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